Making values-based decisions while feeling uncertainty and having doubting thoughts
All anxiety disorders and OCD are associated with intolerance of uncertainty, meaning that those who experience anxiety disorders and OCD are more prone to doubting thinking than those without the disorders.
Sometimes those who live with anxiety disorders and doubt try to use their values or other forms of rational problem solving to manage their doubts. That is, you might think, if I could just get clear about what I care about, then I wouldn’t doubt myself so much. Unfortunately, doubt doesn’t work that way. The word doubt is the cognitive descriptor for the content of the feeling of uncertainty. So, you have the feeling of uncertainty and the doubt as the cognition. You might think, did I make the right decision? And then feel your stomach drop. Doubt is a cognition. Uncertainty is a feeling, not a fact, prediction, or message. Having the cognition of doubt and the accompanying feeling of uncertainty doesn’t mean that something is wrong. Because it’s a feeling, you can’t change or fix it through rational thinking.
Try your best to treat your feeling of uncertainty the way you’re learning to treat the rest of your feelings.
First, notice what types of thoughts typically accompany your feeling of uncertainty. For instance, when you have the feeling of anger, your thinking is often building a case. When you have the feeling of loneliness, your thinking might include rumination. When you have the feeling of uncertainty, you have doubting thoughts. Different people feel uncertain for different reasons, so the content of your doubt will be unique to the situations that make you feel uncertain. Once you’ve identified the typical content of your doubt, you will be prepared to look for uncertainty when you notice that type of thought in your mind.
Next, when you feel uncertainty, find the feeling of uncertainty in your body and stay with it. Did your stomach drop? Did you start to feeling tingly? Did your breathing change or your muscles tighten up? Notice and stay with your sensations with curiosity, with an attitude of friendliness.
Oftentimes when you tune into your body, your sensations will dissipate. If they continue, you might have cognitive beliefs that make your doubting thinking particularly sticky. The moment of stickiness is not the time to figure that out. Write out what you’re experiencing including your trigger, your thoughts, your sensations, and your behavioral urges. Then, leave the experience there and wait for therapy or some other time that your mind isn’t sticky to discuss it or think about it. Redirect your attention to the demands of the present moment. There are always demands in the present moment. If you are watching TV or reading a book, disregard whether it’s a good use of time, and pay attention to the sounds or the words. Go eat or drink something and pay attention to how it tastes and feels. Walk outside and notice what you see or feel.
Weren’t you asking about values-based action? Yes, that’s right. The feelings of uncertainty and doubting thinking can happen at any time, including when you’re trying to act on your values. When you notice that you feel uncertain, forget trying to figure out your values rationally and use the opportunity to mindfully feel sensation.
If you feel uncertainty every time you try to make a decision based on your values, you are caught in content about the significance of your values. Your exposure opportunity is to do things that may or may not be based on your values and live in your decision anyway. Living in your decision means staying with the sensations that arise in your body when you make a decision, getting distance from the thoughts that arise in your mind, and responding to the consequences of that decision in your behavior.
If you regularly expose yourself to making decisions and living in them, and you treat your feeling of uncertainty with curiosity and friendliness, eventually it will get easier to make decisions and your values will seem clearer to you.